


Muggle Things

by Inell



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Erotica, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Heterosexual Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, The Quidditch Pitch: Erotic Couplings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-09-07
Updated: 2006-09-07
Packaged: 2018-10-26 17:19:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10791168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inell/pseuds/Inell
Summary: Hermione teaches Harry and Ron about Muggle things.





	Muggle Things

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

  
Author's notes: [](http://community.livejournal.com/50_smutlets/profile)[**50_smutlets**](http://community.livejournal.com/50_smutlets/) **prompt:** Banana (Ron Weasley)  
Thanks to [](http://incognito.livejournal.com/profile)[**incognito**](http://incognito.livejournal.com/) and [](http://dramaphile.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://dramaphile.livejournal.com/)**dramaphile** for reading this one over!  


* * *

“Why do we have to learn this? Isn’t that what potions are for?”

“Ronald, stop whining.”

Ron shifted uncomfortably and looked at Harry, whose face was bright red as he fiddled with his glasses. He was no help in talking Hermione out of this, obviously, which meant they’d have to endure this embarrassment. He glanced back at Hermione, who seemed completely unaffected by this entire ordeal.

“Are you both going to try or just sit there looking foolish?” Hermione asked primly.

“Hermione, maybe this isn’t a, uh, good idea,” Harry stammered as he stared at the table. His ears were now as red as his face.

Ron would have felt sorry for him if he’d not been so supportive earlier when Hermione first suggested that they should learn Muggle things since they’d been spending a lot of time in Muggle areas while hunting for horcruxes. Ron had been hesitant because he knew not to trust that particular gleam or smile on her lips, but Harry had nodded eagerly and hadn’t protested at all. Served him right, Ron thought crossly as he shifted again.

“Are you saying that I had a bad idea?” Hermione’s tone indicated that there was only one way to reply to that question without getting one’s bollocks hexed off.

“No,” he and Harry said quickly in unison before they exchanged a defeated look. There was no way out of this embarrassing situation except to do what she wanted and hope she’d be satisfied without any more humiliating lessons. The other things she taught them earlier hadn’t been so embarrassing, just how to use the Underground and about currency and stuff. Ron didn’t really know what this current lesson had to do with making their way in the Muggle world, though, as it wasn’t likely they’d be needing this knowledge.

“Good. Now show me what you learned,” she demanded as she watched them in a way he hadn’t noticed before. He knew the majority of Hermione’s looks, smiles, and tones so it was unusual for one to surprise him. It was intriguing but also scary because one never quite knew what her looks meant.

Ron picked up the banana and stared at it. “This thing isn’t accurate,” he muttered as he studied the thickness and length of the fruit. He glanced at Harry’s banana, which was thinner and not as long. That one seemed more comparable, but he was stuck with the huge piece of fruit that made him feel rather inadequate if this banana was supposed to be average.

“What was that, Ron?” Hermione asked in her ‘I heard you but I want you to repeat yourself’ tone.

“Nothing,” he mumbled as his cheeks flushed. He certainly didn’t plan to admit that this stupid banana was bigger than him to the girl he’d fancied for years. It was bad enough that she’d included this in their Muggle lessons.

Harry coughed and bit his lip as he looked at Ron’s banana and wiggled his eyebrows. Ron glared at him even as he reluctantly smiled. Okay, so maybe there was some humor despite the humiliation. Ron picked up the tiny square package that Hermione had given him and carefully ripped the end.

“Very good,” Hermione complimented. “You want to rip it open carefully because it’s not any good if the condom is torn.”

“It feels weird,” Harry murmured as he ran his fingers over the sticky latex. “What’s on it?”

“This particular brand has a lubricant,” Hermione informed him matter-of-factly as if she were reciting from Hogwarts: A History. “There are a variety of types and colors. Those are a basic type for practice. Now quit fondling it and put it on your banana.”

At her words, Ron snorted. The look she gave him made his cock stir, which so wasn’t a good thing. He smiled sheepishly and fumbled with his banana to get this over with. It looked like this was going to be another night where he had to find some privacy to wank until he could sleep. Before he could grip his banana and try to push the condom down onto it, he felt something sting his cheek.

“Sorry,” Harry said as he reached over to get the condom that had hit Ron’s face. “It snapped before I could stop it.

“You hit me with your condom?” Ron asked, giving Hermione a warning look when she laughed. He couldn’t stay angry at her when she looked so gorgeous but he still managed to scowl at her. “It’s not funny.”

“Harry, you’ll want to open a new package since that condom ripped,” Hermione told him, ignoring Ron’s petulance. “Try again.”

Ron rolled his eyes and muttered, “Teacher’s pet,” under his breath before he focused on his banana. The condom was too fucking small and wouldn’t spread over the tip of the fruit. He cursed and gripped the banana tighter as he tried to roll the condom down its length.

“Ron, not so rough,” Hermione chastised him. “You certainly wouldn’t hold yourself so tight when putting it on, would you?”

“I’m not this bloody huge,” he defended before he flushed as he realized what he’d just said.

Harry snorted and grinned when Ron glared at him. He pushed the condom onto his banana and started to roll it down but frowned when it stuck. “Why won’t it go right, Hermione?”

Ron was thrilled for the distraction from his cock size, especially when it was because Harry wasn’t doing it right. He watched Hermione take Harry’s banana and frowned when he realized he was jealous, scowling even more at the knowledge he wasn’t exactly sure which one he was most jealous of. This damn horcrux hunt had done nothing more than confuse him and make him think about things he really shouldn’t be thinking regarding both of his best friends.

“I think this lesson is over,” he told them. He needed to go wank before his cock tore through his pants because he was hard as fuck from watching Harry fondle the banana and from listening to Hermione’s prissy tone.

“No, it’s not,” Hermione said as she rolled Harry’s condom down the banana. “I think the bananas aren’t working, though, so we’ll have to use something else.”

“Ron’s right. I think this is one Muggle thing we really don’t need to learn,” Harry admitted. “We appreciate you trying to show us, though.”

“Kiss arse,” Ron accused without looking away from Hermione. Her cheeks were slightly flushed and that new look was back, the one he couldn’t place yet. “What do you suggest, Hermione?”

“I should give you a demonstration on how to use them instead of just explaining,” she decided. “If you watch the proper way, then you’ll be able to see how it goes on.”

“You can use my banana,” Ron said with a playful leer that he hoped covered up the fact that he wanted nothing more than to rip her knickers off and shag her right there on the sleeping bag.

“All right,” she agreed as she met his gaze and smiled. “Lean back so Harry can see.”

“I can see fine,” Harry murmured as he and Ron exchanged curious looks.

“Ronald, lean back,” she told him more sharply. She used the tone that meant ‘obey me now’ and he knew better than to refuse. He leaned back and used his elbows for support, glad that he had a pillow on his lap since his erection would be obvious in this position.

“I’m not going to be able to see too well from here,” he grumbled as he watched her pick up his banana.

“That’s all right. You can watch next time,” she said as she tossed the banana beside him and moved the pillow. Ron’s eyes widened as she reached for the zipper of his jeans and he reached down to stop her. Or he thought about stopping her but was really too shocked to do much more than gape and wonder if he’d fallen asleep without knowing it.

“Hermione,” Harry stammered, which proved Ron wasn’t dreaming because, in his dreams, Harry didn’t stammer because his mouth was usually full of cock or cunt or tits.

“Harry, come closer,” Hermione murmured as she looked up, looking sexier than hell with her hair surrounding her flushed face in wild curls and her lips wet and swollen from being bitten, which she always did when she was nervous.

“It’s okay, Harry,” Ron whispered as he licked his lips and looked from Hermione to Harry. He had a pretty good idea what was going on in that brilliant mind of hers and couldn’t wait to see if he was right. He was a little scared because this wasn’t something they’d be able to take back and it changed everything. However, he was pretty sure that everything had started to change after they left the Burrow two months ago so this was just the next step, really. Besides, it felt right, more right than anything he’d ever felt before.

“Yeah,” Harry agreed softly as he looked at them both and smiled shyly. He ran his fingers through his hair and looked down at Ron’s jeans. “So, uh, this is, um…”

“Us,” Hermione said softly as she kissed Harry’s cheek.

She turned towards Ron and leaned over to kiss him, a real kiss that was too wet as their noses hit but it was everything he’d always dreamed as he parted his lips and sucked on her tongue. She pulled back and then kissed Harry, who kissed her back and tangled his fingers in her hair. There was jealousy as he watched them kiss but it wasn’t blinding or awful. And then Harry kissed him and Hermione whimpered softly. Harry’s kiss started off shy, at first, and then it became rough, with more teeth and tongue. Ron panted when Harry drew back and smiled. He'd just kissed Hermione _and_ Harry.

“God, I can’t believe this is finally happening,” Harry said as Hermione unzipped Ron’s now very tight trousers.

“Finally?” Hermione asked as she stopped, which made Ron buck his hips up to get her attention back on him.

“I may have, uh, thought about, um, us before,” Harry admitted, which made Ron grin.

“You and me both, mate,” Ron said before he looked at Hermione, who was smiling sheepishly and looked caught. “Someone else seems to have been having naughty thoughts, too.”

“Oh, hush,” Hermione muttered as she finished unzipping his jeans and pulled them and his shorts down around his thighs. Her eyes widened and she made a strangled noise that caused Ron to feel downright smug as she looked at his erection.

“Not much difference between you and the banana,” Harry murmured as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“You think?” Ron grinned as they both looked at his cock, which was twitching and craving contact of some sort. “Uh, Hermione, think we can get this lesson underway soon?”

“Right,” she mumbled as she moved to lie across their sleeping bags and settled between his legs. “I’ve never done this before but I’ve read books.”

“’s okay. I’ve never done it, either,” he admitted, which earned him a huge smile from her. He was suddenly very glad that he’d never let Lavender suck him when she’d offered. He looked at Harry, who shook his head.

“Me either,” he admitted as he lay beside Hermione. His earlier nervousness seemed to be going away, which was good because Ron didn't want them to have any room for regrets.

Ron groaned as they both stared at his cock, their warm breath blowing against his groin and thighs. Hermione smiled mischievously, which didn’t bode well for him at all. “I think the condom might be easier to apply to a wet surface,” she told Harry in that bossy tone as she dragged her finger along the underside of Ron’s cock. It was the first time anyone else had touched him like that and it felt so different than his own hand.

Harry grinned and nodded. “That sounds logical,” he decided before he hesitantly reached out and ran his thumb over the head of Ron’s cock. There wasn’t much pre-come yet, but Harry wiped away what was there. He offered his thumb to Hermione, who sucked it clean while looked from one to the other.

When Hermione let Harry’s thumb go, she leaned down and licked the underside of Ron’s cock. She watched his face, obviously not sure what she was doing and letting his reaction guide her. Her tongue felt amazing, wet and warm and then her lips enveloped the head of his cock and he was sure that he’d died because he’d never felt anything so good before. He made a strangled whine in the back of his throat that got worse as she started to suck him experimentally. It wasn't long before she pulled back and offered his cock to Harry. "You try now, Harry," she told him as she guided him closer, watching intently as she nibbled on her bottom lip.

“Oh God, oh God, oh God,” Ron murmured as Harry slowly sucked him while Hermione caressed his balls. He started off slowly, obviously not quite sure what to do, but he became more confident when he saw Ron's reaction. Harry sucked him a few times before his teeth scraped against him, which made Ron arch up and forced most of his cock into Harry’s mouth and throat. Harry pulled back and coughed while Hermione leaned forward and started to suck again.

Then they were both there, licking and kissing and sucking, two mouths on either side of his cock and their hands on his arse and balls and belly. They nipped at his skin and giggled as they tried different things. If he'd have been able to think clearly, he might have been annoyed that they were giggling while sucking him off, but he didn't care right now because it felt so good and the shy touches had become more firm and they were getting better as they went. Suddenly, he came with a grunt, unable to hold back any longer. His hips jerked and he spilled onto their faces as he gasped and shuddered.

Hermione sat up and Ron could see come dripping from her lips and chin before Harry leaned over and slowly licked it off. He groaned as he felt his cock twitch again. It was good to be young, he decided as he sat up to kiss them both. After they kissed and leaned against each other, they took a moment to rest and deal with this change in their relationship. Then he winked at Hermione and they exchanged mischievous smiles before they pushed Harry against the sleeping bags. Suddenly, he didn’t mind so much that he hadn't lasted very long because, really, they had all the time in the world to learn Hermione’s lessons...as well as teach her a few of their own.

End


End file.
